The Weight of a Thousand Bullets

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I crave that lingering taste of metal
Different from the salty metallic taste of blood
But I bite the insides of my cheeks anyway
Anything that will be reminiscent
Of that feeling when the barrels on my tongue
I know I’d never held a gun
But my finger finds a home on the trigger far too intuitively
I’ve spent a lifetime gathering the bullets
Delicately loading them
You know I crafted them
And masterfully so
Carefully crafted so they won’t kill
But just remain beneath my skin
It’s magnetic the way they find homes in me
Laying stuck in beautiful energy centers
Living off all the love attached to hate
You know that’s the most potent
Most seductive
And most powerful love in existence
There is something so captivating about a war
That cannot be seen
Every bullet a masterfully crafted insecurity
Stories of infinity
Teaching me a million different ways to hate myself
Have you ever seen light sucked into the darkness?
Buried beneath earth now
I want to believe the light still exists somewhere
Even when it’s completely consumed
Shining still
Healing still
Loving still
I don’t remember what I feel like
Without the weight of a thousand bullets
Or what my light looks like
Without being buried
Arms outstretched above me
Grasping at soil
In the constant fight against being pulled under
I know it’s the strangest thing
It is me whose crafted the bullets
It is me whose swallowed every last one
It is me whose supplied the most beautiful home
And it is me who cried my light is being taken under
Yet it is me who is stealing it
How can I curse the light or the darkness
When it is me whose the light within
And the darkness beneath

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5 Comments Add yours

  1. Esmeralda says:

    I love the art I’ve seen from you so far. Here’s to growth!

    Like

    1. thank you so much! 🙏🏻

      Like

      1. Esmeralda says:

        No problem. I’ve always wanted that kind of “this sounds like im starting the middle” style. I like it. I hope you’re not too critical of your work, I wouldn’t be. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  2. dreamchasers says:

    Such a Lovely work. I loved the stanza” Every bullet a masterfully crafted insecurity “

    Like

    1. thank you so much! 💓

      Liked by 1 person

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