Disease: Expressionistic Love


You tell me to love myself there
The place where disease has met the tissues of my temple
But how can I love a war
That is destroying the very home in which I live?
Dark circles decorated with salt water
I lay
A pen in my grasp
And an empty notebook beside me
Each page contained with the gentle intent
Of being transformed into love letters
From me to my body
I am frustrated at the thought
Searching my mind for love to send
To the pieces of me I have resented for so long
The parts of me I feel have failed me
Searching my mind to fill the pages
With mimics of the words of poems
The ones that manage to crack open
The places I have sealed with a darkness so dense
That when I look down
I swear I can see light splitting the darkness away
In one effortless thought
The ones where my eyes can somehow see more clearly
When they are not open
And every salty tear that falls into my ears
Contains prayers of gratitude
For the release of attachments
I have finally let go of
I wish to lace each note with promises of painless tomorrows
Fold them intricately in the shape of a heart
Press them against my pursed lips
Place them between my hands that have married in subconscious prayer
And seal them with every lesson my soul has ever learned about unconditional love
I close my eyes
And my body starts talking back to me
It thanks me gently
As it uses this love to clean my body
Of the hatred it was continually doused in
Like an old school reel
It shows me glimpses of the day disease found a home within my body
It was a little backyard bonfire
Humbly inviting me to sit beside it
And listen to the story of its presence
The entire purpose of its warrior existence was to protect me
But my hate took the fire
Led it to the driest forest within me
And set it ablaze
Every negative thought and drop of hate
Like a shower of kerosene
Tempting and feeding its ravenous rage
But my love notes fell upon the fire
Like the most silent and peaceful summer storm
And every beautiful word I’ve planted in its barren soil
Brings new life
The love I now send
Contains all the nourishing earthly elements
My body hummed to me in wisdom
Darling, this is how healing happens


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