Being Loved By Those Who Do Not Love Themselves

You douse me in hate
Expecting me to throw it right back
But darling, I’ve traded in my war cries in for lullabies long ago
Because
I’m the one who broke in those shoes you stand within
I’ve stood where you stand
I’ve felt what you feel
I know the way you treat me is the same treatment your poor loveless aching body receives from you day in and out
I know the way you tie your hateful words around my neck is just giving me a taste of the way your own words strangle you every single day
Forcing you to gasp helplessly for every breath you take
I know the chaotic war going on within the walls of your body
Thoughts born like missiles aimlessly devastating everything in their path
I know the destructive relationship between your mind and your body
Ruthlessly fighting for space within your being
And the salty tears you fasten those bloody bandages with each night
The salt eats away slowly at each raw edge
As the darkness you bathe them in dig roots so deep they touch your dry quivering bone
Until you lay there broken and every inch of you exposed
I heard your battle cries
To a healer, they are the loudest most overwhelming sound that exists
They consume and vibrate every cell in my body
If you think I was sent from the heavens
It’s because I was
You, mesmerized by the warm glow of my halo
And the way my hands naturally find each other fusing in constant prayer
I place these hands upon you like you’d been waiting a lifetime to feel what whole is
I hold your dense wounds gently in my arms
Neutralizing the darkness and give them back basked in pure divinity
But it is not enough
I am not enough
Because you drown every drop of light I give in your dark sea
Darling, you really put your whole body into it
When you drew that bullseye upon my center
And kicked me to the ground with every drop of force within you
You smiled at the swift loud cracks of my ribs
As every weightless ounce of air in my being was stolen out of me
When you knocked off the halo gently decorating this face you once held with a love struck gaze
You caught it in mid air
And that smile almost cracked your face in two
As you ran to the river to catch a glimpse of your reflection
As you see my halo dissipate to smoke rings
Your hands weave in and out above your head
Your mind goes numb trying to compute dozens of equations at once
Proving false the laws of physics
Just like everything you’ve ever known
But you see me instead with my jewel encrusted wounds
Wearing that halo like a crown
You’d swear you’ve never seen something quite so bright
With sadness in my eyes
And heaviness in my heart
I begin to pray
Not for me
But for you
I came here to teach you
The heavens that sent me
They wanted you to learn from the light
Darling, I’m so sorry
Now you’ll have to learn from the dark

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. O says:

    Love this. Great work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! 🙏🏻

      Like

  2. wendy says:

    Hearts galore, love

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you kindly! 💓

      Like

  3. Rulla Alani says:

    This piece was beautifully put together ♥️ you painted a powerful image with your words

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Alex says:

    Wowwwww. This is excellent

    Liked by 1 person

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